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From celebrated trans activist and author of Mutual Aid Dean Spade comes a practical manifesto for how to live out your radical political values in your intimate relationships.
We all know it takes guts to fight injustice and inequality. But how often do we bring those same values into our most intimate relationships? In this inspiring self-help handbook, luminary trans activist and author of Mutual Aid Dean Spade dares us to be the change we want to see-both in the world, and at home.
Around the globe, people are faced with a spiraling succession of crises, from the pandemic and climate change-induced disasters to the ongoing horrors of mass incarceration, racist policing, endemic gender violence, and severe wealth inequality. Many of us feel mobilized to organize and collectively combat these issues on both a personal and political level, often dedicating our lives to the forwarding of progressive ideas and the daunting goal of trying to bend the world toward justice.
But even those of us who long for change seem to have trouble when it comes to interpersonal relationships. Too often we think of our political values as outward-facing positions again dominant systems of power. Rarely, if ever, do we pursue the same kind of justice close to home, in our personal connections. Many activist projects and resistance groups fall apart because people treat each other poorly, trying desperately to live out the cultural myths about dating and relationships that we are fed from an early age.
How do we divest from the idea that one romantic partner will be the solution to all our problems? How do we separate our expectations of love from the troubling dynamics left to us by our parents? How do we bring our best thinking about freedom and justice into step with our desires for healing and connection?
Author: Dean Spade
Paperback Published 10 June 2025 352 pages
"Love in a F*cked Up World is the medicine, guidebook, and workshop we need now. This book is full of practical guidance, thought provoking questions to meditate on, and illuminating stories about what it takes to heal and build together. And it does so by refusing to let ourselves off the hook. This is a portal into self and therefore world-transformation. Dean's expertise and care shines through each page and his timing with the publishing of this manifesto is impeccable."--Chani Nicholas, New York Times-bestselling author of You Were Born for This and co-founder of the CHANI app
"Dean Spade has written a pragmatic, timely book to help us navigate our most intimate relationships with a collective mindset; release romance myths and approach love as a practice; and cultivate discernment and freedom where we are trained towards judgement and ownership. He teaches us with gentle, relatable clarity and questions that allow us to reflect on how we are loving each other in this fucked up gorgeous world, and how to hold on to each other as the changes come."--adrienne maree brown, author of Loving Corrections, Pleasure Activism, and Emergent Strategy